ANNOUNCEMENT AND REFLECTION [2021-09-13]

[Music]

i'm in the streets where the soldiers

stay you can talk about getting fresh my

peoples where they closed for days you

can roll in a nice whip we be rolling

haze maintained in the game and i'm so

amazed only jews that we got was advice

from the brothers that been through it

but i could ask my mother she been

through it back home in africa where the

struggle is real i can say my bloodline

is spectacular but it's a sin that i

don't know my kin i'm the ghost don't

know my beginning nor my end your kind

recall my soul and pray that i live and

i hope the lord forgive when he recalled

my sins all my life i had to fight like

a soldier

hustling was another motor

that i can use to survive

[Music]

homies in the jail and my dead peers a

lot of blood dropped the call east of

red years dope soul coke souls so the

fed's head a lot of gangsters in my town

like the bread there outside all night

cause spread there wanna be forget the

[Music]

turn me

[Music]

when those

[Music]

cause when i do 21 salute canada to the

sky have it for the drought when the

ground's gone get high my friends are

saying your man gonna get high slide

into five just to go on get a vibe six

get 200 trying to die on the ride not

the

[Music]

when those nights got colder the day i

thought that it was all over

as you can see i survived

[Music]

i think he's touching my soul

[Music]

come on

[Music]

in a nice whip we be rolling haze

maintained in the game and i'm so amazed

only jews that we got was advice from

the brothers that been through it but i

could ask my mother she bends to it back

home in africa where the

is spectacular but it's a sin and i

say my struggle

don't know my kin i'm the ghost don't

know my beginning know my aim your kind

record my soul i pray that i live and i

hope the lord forgive when he recalls my

sins

[Music]

[Music]

today i thought that it was all

[Music]

my homies in the jail and my dead peers

a lot of blood dropped the coral east of

red years dope soul cold

[Music]

god that i'm telling the truth was a

felon when i fell in the booth they want

me to fail i got a feeling that they're

scared of the truth you're kind turn me

up so i can give them the proof this is

all my life i had to fight like a

soldier

hustling was

[Music]

today i thought that it was all over

as you can see i surprised

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

as you can see i survived

[Music]

[Music]

how

i'm in the streets where the soldiers

stay you can talk about getting fresh my

peoples where they closed for days you

can roll in a nice whip we be rolling

haze maintained in the game and i'm so

amazed only jews that we got was advice

from the brothers that been through it

but i could ask my mother

where the struggle is real i can say my

bloodline is spectacular but it's the

sin and i don't know my kin i'm the

ghost don't know my beginning know my

end your kind recall my soul i pray that

i live and i

[Music]

you when those nights got colder

[Music]

thank you tuna

appreciate you

so guys this isn't going to be very long

i just want to make a quick announcement

um

about the future direction

some reflection

things like that you know

so

let me just uh

explain what happened last night

you know listen guys

something you have to understand is that

there's only

there's only one instance

where i'm gonna go into enemy territory

and subject myself

to a hostile chat

um thank you sue thank you tuna

tickler

appreciate you for the subs appreciate

it

and that's gonna be

um when i'm bringing down

hold on

yeah go ahead and ban that guy

yeah that's gonna be when i'm bringing

down

um

a streamer

when i'm debating someone who's about

you know acting like they're big [ __ ]

um

the only time i'm gonna go into this

hostile territory and subject myself

to a bunch of anonymous [ __ ] losers

is gonna be when i'm

bringing their stone idol down and

smashing it to the ground

like when i debated vaush or when i'm

debating these hostile people yeah i

welcome it because i want them to know

that i'm beating

their streamer that their streamer that

they looked up to they thought was so

smart so knowledgeable and all that kind

of [ __ ] i am the one who's bringing them

down so i'm fine with going into hostile

chats

when it comes to that

right

thank you joey steele

infrared rising gorilla sun gorilla sun

gorilla sun gorilla sun gorilla sun

gorilla sun

but

i would sooner

be completely off twitch and never go

live again

then sit and endure

the disrespect

[Music]

mountain mancur donated five dollars

there's no need to explain we are behind

you against the pagans thank you

mountain thank you mom curt

there's no situation

where i'm gonna go and subject myself

to the disrespect the constant

persistent and never-ending disrespect

and

[ __ ]

that

circus chat is showing to me

and keep in mind the people who are

starting these hate waves in circus chat

are people from my community that i

banned and they go in circus chat and

they literally spend every waking moment

harassing me in zurich's chat until they

get the right moment

where for whatever reason they get

zerka's chat all to turn against me then

i see nothing but a bunch of haters

scrolling by spamming spamming hatred

and spamming uh

you know disrespect against me

now you could say oh don't blame circus

chad it's only a minority who's starting

it

no i am gonna blame his chat because i

stay up at listen i've already exposed

myself to zurka's chat they already know

who i [ __ ] am so at that point if i'm

staying up on these uh podcasts

and

skipping my workouts and [ __ ] up my

sleep schedule it's because i know i'm

putting some smiles on someone's faces

and i'm making people laugh

and that's how they repay me right i

sacrifice my own time

for what to be disrespected

to give them so much content this chat i

give them so much content i give them so

much so much i make them laugh so much

only to be disrespected non-stop and it

that by the way was just the tip of the

iceberg i mean that was just the tipping

point

that wasn't really the main reason

that whole night

that chat was on my [ __ ] back every

time i said something

they they just

so many [ __ ] people just jumping on

my [ __ ] back

you know

and the tipping point it seems silly and

stupid

but

you guys have to notice a pattern with

me what are the things that constantly

trigger me right it's when people

lie about me

based on tweet like they jump to an

unjustified conclusion about me i go on

twitter and i argue for

12 hours because people are lying about

me and they're painting a false picture

of me

right

so it doesn't matter how small it is or

how stupid it is when someone when

people are lying about me oh my god we

got him we got him it it does really

[ __ ] trigger me i'm not gonna lie to

you it really does and i don't care how

small the [ __ ] lie is

i i am someone who's isolated myself

from the whole world for years i had no

friends nothing

so

i don't have

validation and feedback

so i am especially sensitive to people

painting false pictures of who i am

because no one really knows who the [ __ ]

i am

nobody knows who the [ __ ] i am

right

so when people

try to label me

and try to uh

paint a picture of me that's false and i

know is false it triggers me

because it's like they're denying my

truth they're denying my inner truth

they're denying my whole life my whole

inner truth my whole being everything

i've lived for everything i've worked

for everything i've suffered for they're

disrespecting that

you

understand

i've been through a lot of [ __ ]

defending

who i am

defending what i consider to be

a unique insight and unique perspective

the bare minimum to me

it's hard to

get people to see where i'm coming from

but the bear [ __ ] minimum and you

don't [ __ ] lie about me you don't

[ __ ] paint a false [ __ ] picture of

me you accept me as i am and if you

can't [ __ ] handle that if your world

can't [ __ ] handle that that's your

[ __ ] problem this is who i am this is

my [ __ ] truth if you can't [ __ ]

understand it if you can't [ __ ]

understand it if you can't accept it if

you can't swallow it that's your [ __ ]

problem you don't go and [ __ ] lie

about me to cope with your stupid and

false view of the world you don't

[ __ ] lie about me so that you can

cope about your false world

if you have to jump to a conclusion

because i don't make sense to you then

your sense is wrong

screw the haters

thank you karbathian

if you jump to a conclusion about me

that's wrong and a lie because i just

don't make sense to you then your sense

is wrong

i will never

ever ever be disrespected

showing my truth

i will never ever allow myself to be

disrespected by anyone i will be on the

street i will be homeless i will be

hungry

and i will be something else i can't say

on twitch

before i ever ever ever let myself be

disrespected and degraded

now people go who has but the girls are

always enduring that all the time and

they can take it

why

because they made a trade-off

they decided that it's worth it to them

for the views and for the growth

it's not worth it to me

i have dignity

i have a dignity

that no one no one on that panel will

ever know will ever feel and will ever

have

circus chat has turned into a platform

for all of my stalkers harassers and

haters from all over the [ __ ]

internet to congregate

and speak [ __ ] upon me and i'm gonna

go and endure that

and the thing that set me off it was

such a small and stupid thing but i

basically all i said was we don't have

two [ __ ]

so

we can only feel pleasure as men

win one whole

and i don't understand how that's

controversial i don't understand how

that's controversial

and because i said that circus chat

started spamming

virgin virgin virgin virgin virgin

virgin

if i if i said something that that that

might imply that then i would just

ignore it whatever right

but i don't understand how i don't

understand how i don't [ __ ] get it i

genuinely don't [ __ ] get it but now i

realized

it's actually not

about what i said which is just a fact

and uncontroversial

as men we can only feel pleasure through

one organ

i i don't see how that's controversial

right that's self-evident

okay

but now i realize

the reason they they jump on me and

harass me

is because they disrespect me they don't

respect me

they think

i'm going to be a punching bag for them

and i'm going to let them [ __ ] on me

when when have i ever ever tolerated

that when have i ever tolerated that

disrespect huh

i stay up making them laugh giving them

[ __ ] content and they repay me by

what disrespecting me nonstop

and it would be one thing if they just

did it for 30 seconds and then it was

done even after we moved on from the

topic the chat was marching in line

spamming oh my god we just found out

he's a virgin oh my god he's exposed

he's been expelled from that virgin even

if i was a virgin why do you why does it

matter why do you have to keep

directing the if you really think that

then just

go go about with your life why do you

have to keep

spamming it and you know it triggers me

because like i said when people

paint me pictures that i know are lies

it doesn't matter how small the lie is

it triggers me

because i've been isolated from the

world for a very long time

and i don't

i don't know what i look like in the

eyes of other people

anymore

and when people paint false pictures of

me

it's like i've done everything right to

be my authentic true self and why am i

being repaid with lies i'm being myself

and i'm being truthful

and i'm getting repaid with lies with

lies why

i'm reading chat

because it's all for the chat

i'm not on circus panel for the 20

viewer andy's who are desperate for

clout i don't need i don't like those

people i don't

i'm on circa's channel

for the chat

and at this point it's not to win the

chat and have the chat come to my chat

because i've already exposed myself

plenty enough it's just that i'm a

depressed guy

and making others laugh and have a good

time is one of the ways i cope with

reality

[Music]

and and that's how they repay me

you know

anyway

don't don't sage guys i don't want you

to feel bad for me

don't feel bad for me

don't feel bad for me

i just always want you guys to know

this is a brutal [ __ ] world

that's it that's all i want you to know

don't sage for me don't feel bad for me

just know this world is [ __ ] brutal

just know that

and let me tell you something

let me tell you something

this is also something i reflected on

right

lately i've been feeling like i'm a

piece of [ __ ]

i've just been feeling like i'm a piece

of [ __ ]

i've been feeling

gross and dirty and whatever because

i'm really not a pig guys

the only time i've ever

[ __ ] anyone was in a relationship

and and with one exception maybe right

but i don't really count that

and also i really felt really disgusting

after

but

i'm not

some kind of pig you know i'm not a you

know the tinder [ __ ] that i was

it's really not serious

i really want you guys to know it's not

serious it's literally a way for me to

joke about

my bitterness and if that's just the

truth is i'm bitter

i'm just bitter

you know

i've always been a private person i've

always been a really private person it's

always been very hard for me

to connect with anyone

and i don't connect with anyone i don't

everybody who i've ever connected to let

me down and betrayed me

so i'm a very reserved private type of

person

right

but at this point the reason i've been

acting this way is just to make

everyone laugh

and to make myself laugh

and have fun about it

you know

you know all this relationship stuff

that i talk about

it's obviously not serious good advice

it's just me expressing my bitterness

and it's like for jokes i'm expressing

my bitterness

and my sense of

having given up

you know ever trying to find someone to

connect with

and and that's just me

you know maybe you guys are different

but

that's me and my experience you know

so

you know i'm i'm not a super

sexual person in general in public

i'm very private i'm not a person who

airs all the dirty laundry

you know

but i feel like the line is starting to

get started to get blurred

and it's almost like i've adopted this

this joking persona that's bleeding into

who i really am

and it's making me feel sick

it's making me feel sick you know

and the reason i ban everyone on site

who like disagrees with it or whatever

is like calls me out for it is because

i see them as vibe killers like i'm i'm

here trying to joke and have a good time

and then people make it serious and and

i hate i hate that i hate that i hate

when people treat a joke as something

serious you know

i just can't stand about i can't stand

that [ __ ]

you know

and you know the truth is i can't have a

private life

because

whether i talk about it or not

people make assumptions anyway

and they paint me with those assumptions

so i may as well just try to be truthful

about it

you know

i may as well just try to be truthful

about it

people don't know how to back off

and just leave you especially on twitch

they don't know how to mind their own

[ __ ] business

and you know i don't know if you guys

know this

some of you guys be like oh guys you

know aren't you being a little harsh on

the other people maybe you're hurting

their feelings and they feel bad

and i wish you guys knew the truth

i wish you knew the truth that every

single smile that's ever been directed

at me on this platform

is because of my clout

it's because the chat usually likes me

in my cloud and that's why people

are friendly to me

if it wasn't for clout

i would be the most revi they would be

snakes and vipers to my face you need to

see you need to understand something

that we don't view the world in the same

way you view the world and you see

pretty people smiling and laughing and

whatever and i see demons all around me

i see evil all around me

i see fake all around me i see reptilian

shapeshifters all around me

you understand

you need to understand how people really

are

people are brutal people are [ __ ]

brutal and ruthless

people are [ __ ] brutal and ruthless

and they will show you no mercy

no [ __ ] mercy when the tables are

turned

if everyone was against me

you have no idea how these people would

treat me you have no idea

and the difference between me and them

is that i'm not afraid for everyone to

be against me i'm not

because i lived in isolation for years

and i've come to my own truth

i don't need anyone

i don't need any of you

thank you crone bronex i appreciate you

i appreciate a lot of you

i appreciate your support a lot

and your encouragement

but the truth is i don't need anyone

i

i am not afraid to have everything lost

if it means preserving my dignity

i'm not afraid to lose everything if it

means i keep my dignity

and i'm in a blind alley right now

because i don't have a plan

anymore

i don't have a plan for networking and

growth on twitch anymore

but last night i thought long and hard

about it

and i'm going to resolve to go my own

way

jack the red 187 donated fifty dollars

man dearest possession is life he must

live it so as to feel no torturing

regrets for wasted years soul of that

die he might say all my life all my

strength were given to the finest cause

in all the world the fight for the

liberation of mankind thank you so much

jack the red i appreciate you

appreciate you a lot

thank you so much

as of now i've decided

that

this is going to hurt my growth

it might

even have me lose viewers

uh it might even hurt my growth

negatively like i might even lose a lot

but i've always gone where my heart

tells me to go

and i think

for now

i'm gonna go my own way on twitch

you know i'll go my own way on twitch

focus on my own content

focus on the youtube

things like that you know

you cannot make it on twitch without a

network and without a community

but i have been demonized villainized

and reviled in every single [ __ ]

other community outside the infrared one

on twitch every single one

i have been villainized smeared and

dragged through the mud abused

harassed stalked

spit upon in every single other

community outside the infrared one

and now that i could see that zerkos is

no exception

when circus chat turns against me

and smears my character and demeans my

character and disrespects me

it's not just circus chat that's doing

that

they're vindicating vosh

are relevant

uh

those other guys i forgot every single

[ __ ] hater on twitch is joining the

chorus

and at that point i'm in enemy territory

hassan's every single one of them

why should i be disrespected and call

the virgin why

why

try as they might they cannot stop the

rise infra 8 s-u-a

thank you

why

so that all my ideological and political

enemies can say

that infrared is a bunch of [ __ ]

losers

that infrared is a bunch of [ __ ]

virgins and losers

what do you think that does for my cause

huh

and what kills me inside is that even

though it's not true

there's a grain of truth which is that i

have been cut off from the world for

years

i've been cut off from the world for

years so in a way i have been a [ __ ]

loser

i've been a loser with no friends

no contacts nothing

but it was by choice

it was by choice

the thing that enrages me is how

specific my truth is and how much my

inner truth

my truth my reality the facts of my life

do not make sense to 99 of people

because you assume that if i'm isolated

for years

nothing

no human warmth at all

it's because i'm a loser and i and i

just i i can't i can't make friends and

i i can't and that's why

no one could possibly believe how

specific the truth is

which is that i had a spiritual crisis

and breakdown

no one could believe that

they always have to go with the

convenient and cynical answer

they always have to go with the

convenient and cynical answer

and it's not true

how

why do i go live

and sit in front of this [ __ ] camera

if i'm putting out my truth

and all i'm getting in return

is lies

i should just

be offline at that point

i should be offline at that point

i don't care if people think i'm a

virgin guys

it's that level of demeaning and

disrespect

that hurts everything i'm working for

i'm trying i'm here

being as personal as i am because i'm

trying to set an example and be a

[ __ ] role model

and i haven't been doing a perfect job

but i am the face of a certain ideology

i am the face of an ideology

and when people disrespect and demean me

for no [ __ ] reason

[Music]

thank you so much jack the red

appreciate you

thank you so much

if i'm so [ __ ] disrespected for no

reason for things that i don't deserve

to be disrespected i'm sorry if everyone

is against me then i'm right and they're

wrong i don't deserve to be disrespected

and spam that for that for saying what i

said i just don't

i just don't

based

thank you ellersh like it's some it's

somehow it's embarrassing to say

that a man only has two

and man only has one [ __ ]

and and that's it you only have one [ __ ]

you only feel pleasure in one organ

as a man

and i deserve to be disrespected for

saying that

why would i talk about anything sexual

then i'm not a i'm a private person

right if i'm talking about this stuff

it's because i think that some people

are on the same wavelength as me and

they share my reality

and and it's like no one in that chat

shares my reality no one in that chat

understands anything i say so why even

talk about it

why even talk about it to begin with

a lot of these streamers who go on

zurko's royales and podcasts

of course the chat drags them through

the mud

but the reason they don't mind is

because they don't have a backbone they

don't care if they're disrespected or

not because they just want clout and

views and subs

but i do care

my dignity comes before everything

my dignity comes before water it becomes

before food it comes before shelter

it comes before everything everything

and that chat knows me enough

so if at this point they're still hating

on me every [ __ ] day

why am i there why am i there i'm not

trying to be there at anyone's good

graces i'm only there because i'm

assuming that the chat is being

entertained and they want the content

why would i be a pariah and be in a

place i'm not welcome

why would i go somewhere i'm not welcome

if the internet as a whole couldn't

welcome me i would just be offline i

wouldn't even go on the [ __ ] internet

and nobody believes my story nobody

believes my truth nobody believes me

when i tell them i really do have haters

not like circa has haters

not like other streamers have haters i

have methodical obsessive haters who

stalk me every single day and are

working overtime 24 7 to bring me down

when i got into a twitter argument with

some that random guy scythe

later on i found out

that my ex mod stalker and harasser dm'd

them

and made friends with them fully on the

basis that i got into a fight with them

on twitter

that goes to show you how much these

people are working toward my downfall

and

i have people who are methodical haters

methodical haters methodical haters and

by the way i'm not worried about that

i'm not worried trust me i'm not the one

who has to be worried for either of them

are concerned when it comes to that

that's really stupid that i found out

about that because this is a stupid

[ __ ] person who's doing it and

doesn't think

right

thank you thank you montbello so much

for the 25

i appreciate you a lot man

thank you a lot appreciate you

and these same haters that i've made who

don't represent the general populace but

come from pedophile image boards

and come from ex-discord banned people

and they literally come from extremely

far left fringe communities they go in

circus chat and they harass and hate on

me

endlessly and they get the rest of the

chat on board because imagine you're

around listen

imagine you're a random [ __ ] person

and there's someone in circus chat who

is so obsessively

hating on me right they think well maybe

they have a reason to hate on me right

and i'm guessing the reason they hate on

me maybe i missed it he said something

stupid i'm gonna hate on him too but

they don't know how specific the hatred

is and the history and where it comes

from they think that's just a normal

random chatter saying this when it's a

cold calculated methodical [ __ ]

stalker and hater

who cares about what chad thinks like i

said it's all for the chat i need you

guys to understand this it's all for the

chat i do not go live to satisfy myself

i am not satisfied going live i'm

satisfied being offline and reading and

writing that is what fulfills me reading

and writing that is what fulfills me

reading and writing in private not even

corresponding with others that's just a

side thing and i only do it with people

who i think really deserve it but the

thing that really

helps me cope with life is reading and

writing so if i'm going live in front of

a [ __ ] camera yes it's gonna be for

the viewers and it's gonna be from the

chat it's not for me it's only for you i

do not

have fun i do not get any satisfaction

streaming when i can take a day off you

have no [ __ ] idea

how relieved i am when i can take a day

off it is all for the chat everything is

for the chat

i'm not here talking to the camera for

no [ __ ] reason

i'm not here in front of a camera for

nothing i'm doing it for viewers because

i want or i think people will be viewing

it

and i'll be putting up something out

there

that's why i do it

uh

isn't telling zero gonna ban those

people gonna solve the problem

[Music]

jack the red 187 donated twenty dollars

honestly you're a fantastic marxist

leninist worker theoretician and

personally i'd be proud to have a cadre

like you in my party keep your head up

and march forward your contribution to

this world is to play a part in the

liberation of mankind thank you so much

jack appreciate you a lot appreciate you

a ton

thank you so much

the reason i don't want to have to ask

zurka about this is because

i just think it should go without

question

that

if i'm a guest on your show and i'm

being hate spammed endlessly by the chat

i just think it should be an unspoken

rule

that yeah you should just ban those

people because that's what i do when i

when circle's on my show

i would never tolerate this people

disrespecting him like that never

and in fact when people say things

critical of him without disrespecting

him he notices and points it out and he

gets kind of mad too

you know he doesn't respond to haters

like the same way i do because i

actually ignore a lot of haters he

doesn't ignore any haters

he could not ever tolerate the level of

disrespect

that i'm expected to tolerate

and

maybe maybe he could say well we're not

equal i have the bigger platform and i

have more followers than you so and

you're benefiting more from me than the

reverse so we're not equal

okay fine

but at lea if we're not equal then show

me

as the proportion of viewers

what am i i'm i'm a third of his viewers

so show me 30

of what you expect people to respect

show me 30 of the percent

of the respect you expect

30

if you expect

a certain level of respect from my chat

which i agree with if you're a guest

here i'm not gonna let chad disrespect

you

who the [ __ ] are they

they're wrong

but regardless

when i left

everyone joined in with the chat the

whole panel joined in with the chat

like i'm crazy and i'm i'm ridiculous

maybe the difference between me and them

is that i have dignity

maybe that's the difference

maybe the difference is

is that i'm willing to lose it all i'm

willing to lose it all

i am willing to lose everything in life

everything

i have nothing to lose nothing

i am a man with nothing to lose

nothing

he doesn't even have to ban

but shouldn't it be common sense

that if i'm getting [ __ ] dog piled in

the chat endlessly

at least defend me be like chat what the

[ __ ] is wrong with you

what's going on

why are you hating so much so badly

why are you hating so much

if we're allies that's the minimum

yeah they all joined in after i left

he doesn't defend them okay then why am

i there why am i there

why am i there if not

because there's an alliance

i'm there because

my mentality is that we're merging our

communities are merging

we're almost one in the same thing

that's my mentality

why am i i'm i don't go on zirco's

podcast to get more exposure at this

point

i do it because it's like an extension

of my own

i go on because it's like i'm chilling

with my people

i don't have people right it used to be

just my stream in my chat that's my

people

and my mentality these are my people

right these are my bros

you came off insecure when the heat was

on you for once

no the heat was not on me

i had endless harassment hatred

and disrespect put on me

undeserved and that was the tipping

point

that entire stream

i was being disrespected that whole

[ __ ] time every time i'd say

something

i'd see the chatters disrespecting me

but why am i there then

to participate in an environment like

that perpetuates the fringe tanky

narrative we've dealt with for ages

no this will make me more fringe that's

the truth

from the perspective of growing the

stream what i'm doing now makes no sense

but this is just a matter of my honor

it's just a matter of my dignity and my

honor which means everything to me

it means everything to me

i always thought anyone who ever streams

needs a level of thick skin to be able

to withstand hate from toxic's chats

what a [ __ ] idiot what a [ __ ]

idiot

you see how on a daily basis i'm being

[ __ ] gaslighted

you see how on a [ __ ] daily basis i

get gaslighted no one on the [ __ ]

internet right now has ever gotten as

much hate visual abuse stalkers

harassers as me

and just get it from chatters i get it

from streamers and i endure it all i

endure all of it

all i expect is that from my friends or

my allies that i don't get that same

[ __ ]

that i get everywhere else

[Music]

if i didn't have thick [ __ ] skin i

would have given up a long [ __ ] time

ago

and here's the [ __ ] truth

if any other streamer went through the

[ __ ] that i go through

they would be too weak to continue

let's just say they wouldn't even be

able to wake up in the morning anymore

they would be to continue to keep going

on

in general let's just say that

[Music]

[ __ ] loser piece of [ __ ]

piece of [ __ ] [ __ ] loser

no destiny doesn't get as much hate as

me

nobody gets the hate that i get nobody

and i endure it all

if anybody was ever as hated as i i was

they wouldn't [ __ ] be a lot of

streamers are literally getting swatted

weekly or houses set on fire yeah but

it's not personal when that happens

they're just they're just people who are

just trying to [ __ ] with them they're

nihilists

it's not personal like how it's personal

with me

nobody makes it personal i have stalkers

who spend 12 hours in circus chat hating

on me

it's not personal

you [ __ ] [ __ ] it's not personal it's

really not personal they see a famous

person and they just rather [ __ ] with

someone who's famous before i ever was

famous people were [ __ ] on me before

i was ever famous i was getting the same

hatred can you say that about them were

they getting the same level of hatred

when they were at 200 views

i rarely see hate at all because you

don't notice you don't notice it

because you don't know the crucial

details

any given twitch eager gets about a

million times more hate than you no they

don't

no they [ __ ] don't

no they [ __ ] don't

with eagle hate

that hatred is the same hatred

it doesn't matter who the e-girl is

they'll say the same [ __ ]

only with me only with me do people

obsessively try to pry into my being and

hate me specifically and make it their

goal to specifically destroy me

it's not because i'm a pretty woman that

reminds them of their sexual frustration

they have made it their mission to

destroy me

streamers get death threats and their

families get doxed keep saying stupid

[ __ ] i'm not gonna ban you guys it's not

like i'm gonna [ __ ] keep banning you

keep exposing yourselves keep [ __ ]

exposing yourselves

not even [ __ ] listening to anything

i'm saying are you leaving listening

listening no no i'm gonna [ __ ] listen

i didn't stop [ __ ] late

i keep trying to tell you guys and no

one lives

no you're not [ __ ] listening you're

not listening about how for me it's

specific

you don't

people [ __ ] think they know things

about this world

my whole [ __ ] life is living

testament you guys don't know [ __ ]

[ __ ]

you don't [ __ ] know anything

you don't [ __ ] know anything

and i've been trying to [ __ ] tell you

but you just can't accept that this you

don't understand and you don't know

you're gonna keep doing this

until it's too late

my [ __ ] haters think they win

by me giving up

the truth is

the only thing they gain

is there's shooting the canary in the

coal mine

i genuinely believe with all my [ __ ]

heart

that if i went into a cave and slept

there

for a hundred years i would come out of

that cave

100 percent vindicated

i would ultimately win

i believe that i know that

my whole [ __ ] life confirms that

i'm doing everyone including my [ __ ]

haters a favor by being here and being

live

but you don't deserve it

not even my own [ __ ] chat deserves it

let me give you an example

not to say i know your struggle but this

sounds a lot like red pill rage

when people don't know they fill in the

gaps

they paint a picture of you

and make you into a character and make

you into a person that's not you and you

become that person and you become

gaslighted even into thinking that's

what you are

i'm not meant for this

i've shown myself to the world

and shown what i'm about

and it wants to

kill me in my cradle

everyone around me wants to see me

suffocate

and be buried

i'm not supposed to be here

i'm not supposed to [ __ ] be here

nobody's supposed to make it this

[ __ ] far

nobody's supposed to make it this

[ __ ] far

name one ml who's made it this [ __ ]

far you're not supposed to you're not

supposed to the world doesn't want you

to

nobody wants you to you get bullied you

get pushed down

you get dirt kicked in your [ __ ] face

and you get disencouraged and you start

feeling like you're crazy that's how

they [ __ ] do it they make you think

you're [ __ ] crazy

because you're not supposed to get this

[ __ ] far

you're not supposed to get this [ __ ]

far

nobody has made it as far as i have now

and what do i [ __ ] get for

i'm fighting an uphill [ __ ] battle

every day

every [ __ ] day i fight an uphill

[ __ ] battle

and at what point

can i at least reach a level

ground that i could just walk

[Music]

thank you radical leftists appreciate

you appreciate you

thank you mr rum

appreciate you

based

thank you onion god

appreciate you

based

thank you ass appreciate you

based thank you corbin i appreciate you

appreciate you class

[Music]

thank you

based

thank you dilla dante

face there's no alliance

the truth is

circus chat is

split down the middle

split down the middle

half absolutely despise me and wanna

want the worst for me and pray for my

downfall the other half like me and are

entertained by me and they [ __ ] with me

half is too much

too much haters

prefer it to be worth it to me

too much for it to be worth it to me

look

i'm used to it

i'm used to getting nothing but hatred

my whole life

no you guys don't know how soft you are

until you know

how much you take for granted the human

warmth

you get in your life

i've never had any of it

the people who stuck by me in life just

didn't know me well enough

that's always been the case

and why my takes are always so [ __ ]

cynical and bitter

is because i look around me

and i see these people who are friends

with each other and they're laughing

with each other and smiling with each

other and people who think they're close

with each other and they care about each

other but i can already poke holes

in everything i already see

the demise of it all

i see it from a mile away

i see it from a mile away they're just

too stupid to see it that's their curse

they're too [ __ ] stupid to see

how much

they really are alone in this world

show me two friends show me two friends

and i will pinpoint the exact point that

they will stop being friends

because it's fake it's all

misrecognition

all of it

based thank you rocksoft

there came a point in my life where i

just started to say

i don't need anyone

i don't need friends i don't need

acquaintances thank you by allah we will

strike them down i don't need anyone

i don't need you chad i don't

i'm not doing this thank you rox off

i'm not doing this to be your friend

i'm doing this to make a black hole in

this world i'm doing this

to shake things up a little bit

i'm doing this

out of anger and out of rage

because i want every single [ __ ]

person who thinks they know things to be

disproven i want to see the look on

people's faces when they see that i've

done the impossible that's why i [ __ ]

do this

i don't do it for love i don't do it

to help others i don't do it because i

care about others i do it because i want

to see the arrogant on their funky knees

you think i go

you think i debated vosh

and all these people in xander hall out

of love

because i care about his chat and i want

them to see the light no

i do it

so i could see their stone idol crumble

into

so that [ __ ]

can know that everything they think

about this world is wrong nothing gives

me more satisfaction nothing gives me

more satisfaction than destroying these

idols nothing gives me more satisfaction

than exposing how each and every one of

these [ __ ] people are fake and don't

know anything

and are wrong

these authorities you look up to these

powers you believe in they rest on thin

[ __ ] air

they are nothing they are dust they are

[ __ ] ash

that's why i'm here

i feel poisoned by the sickness and rot

of the fakeness

that i deal with all around me i feel

sickened

and rotten

buy it but i'm willing to take the

[ __ ] downfall because it's worth it

it's worth it it's worth it

it's worth it that people can know

that everything mighty and strong in

this [ __ ] world is going to come at

the expense

of their line of sight

it's gonna come from somewhere they

don't see it coming from

all i've ever wanted you all to know is

how sickening

how brutal how [ __ ] disgusting and

rotten everything truly [ __ ] is that

you're seeing on screen

you don't have friends here

i'm not your friend

i'm a force of anger and destruction i'm

not your friend i'm not a force of love

i'm not a force of kindness i'm not a

force of empathy i'm a force of

destruction i've always been that

that's all i've ever [ __ ] been

you watch

me

you sit back and you enjoy

how i bring

it all down

that's the only [ __ ] reason you're

here

we're not friends

you won't get any warmth from here or

from me

you won't find friendship here you won't

find belonging here you won't find

community here

i'm a force of pure

rage

it's the only thing that keeps me going

thank you

mod orbs

until i burn out

i will rage until i burn out

and disappear

i have no friends

i told you the first day i got back on

twitch

that there are no friends here that i

have no friends

i'm not here to make friends

i'm not here to have allies

i'm not even here to be human

i'm not human

think about it is this human looking at

me on the screen like this this is human

this is a human connection no it's not

and me

a circus freak

who goes live in front of this [ __ ]

camera

broadcasting myself broadcasting my

image degrading myself

is that human

am i human

and yet i still do it

because i believe

maybe maybe maybe maybe

that if someone cleans the rubble

on this [ __ ] rotten internet

maybe maybe maybe maybe something human

will emerge

that's not gonna be me

it's not gonna be me

go look at the chinese internet no one's

like me in the chinese internet you

wanna know why because on the chinese

internet

you're only gonna find a bunch of human

beings

people who venerate everything beautiful

good and true in this world

people who have a love of knowledge and

history and philosophy

and humanity

you don't find monsters like me

on china's internet

you don't

you would never find a monster like me

you would never find a freak like me

there never

there's no need for anyone like me there

i wasn't supposed to stream today

i was gonna go visit family

and i still am

i did this

because i wanted to get it off my chest

i wanted to make this uh announcement

i feel sick i feel

sickened

and like i've deviated from myself

thank you chud logic

appreciate you

but bad timing

i'm about to end it now

i'll see you guys tomorrow

hopefully i'll be in a different mood

and we'll just

we'll start fresh

tomorrow

tomorrow we'll start fresh

i'll see you guys then

goodbye